I wonder...

There is a woman in Gainesville that is a compulsive walker. She is rail thin. As far as I could tell, she walks every day. I have no idea how far she walks but she seems to have a circuit - not around town, but around the entire city. No matter how hot or how cold, she walks. She always wears a hat, long pants, a long sleeved shirt and a jacket. I often wondered how such a habit, if you can call it that, begins. Does it come about gradually? Or is it more acute? One day you're walking to your car and you just keep going and going and going?

I don't know why I do these things.

The Proust Questionnaire

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Sitting in a cabin in the mountains with my family with no worries.

2. What is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear has already come true. Aside from that I fear that my career is not for me.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

That I have a hard time letting go, unclenching, living in the moment, and going with my gut.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Self absorption, rudeness.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

Anyone who had a dream and went for it or who has gone through terrible times and came up with their head held high. I admire my advisor for being good at what she does and for finding a balance in life. I admire Annie for going for her dream and succeeding.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

Aveda Style Prep Smoother.

7. What is your current state of mind?

Tired, Hopeful, Anxious, Pensive, Unsure.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Patience.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

Not often and really I “omit” rather than flat out lie when I don’t feel like sharing.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Being overweight. Also I am very veiny – you can see my veins through my skin easily. Ew.

11. Which living person do you most despise?

Anyone who is cruel to animals or children.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Humor, nice hands, the ability to fix things.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Humor, being down to earth.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Seriously. Come on.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Jason and Siler.

16. When and where were you happiest?

This is a tough one. A weekend at Animal Kingdom Lodge with my mom, dad, and Jason. Feb 5^th, 2007 when Siler arrived. Seeing whales in Boston.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

To play an instrument.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would know what I wanted and go for it.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Graduating with my PhD despite the loss of my son and my mom.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I don’t know. Maybe a tree in a national park.

21. Where would you most like to live?

The Big House. If there was nothing in the world to consider and money was not an issue: Monterey, CA.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

Big House.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Losing someone you love and wallowing in guilt and self blame over it.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

I don’t know. I’m thinking zoo keeper or park ranger at the moment…

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I don’t know. Probably my not knowing.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

They’re funny, they don’t judge, and they’ve got my back – hopefully they know I’ve got theirs too.

27. Who are your favorite writers?

Sartre, Merrill Markoe.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Um. I just don’t think in these terms. Hero? Personal hero or superhero? Either way I have no clue.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I don’t know.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Anyone who has devoted themselves to rescuing animals and people from terrible situations. People who come up with solutions to problems.